I’ve always found that one of the most difficult and challenging things in life is looking for a new job. This is compounded by the fact that I already have a job which pays enough for me to live on and thus my need to look for work is diminished somewhat. The trouble is that I hate my job with a fiery passion; a passion of such magnitude that, if it were actually focused on looking for work, I’d probably find something without issue.

But I’ve become far too content with getting up and heading into an office I hate. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not always loathed it as much as I do today. I used to be able to tolerate it without wanting to put something heavy through my monitor. As it currently stands I find that every moment I’m here feels like time wasted. I’m not work-shy; I’d just like work which challenges me and I enjoy. Something where I get to think for a change and I feel rewarded for the efforts I put in. Not monetary rewards, but just a sense of satisfaction that the work I’m doing is important to a greater business goal. As it is, I certainly do not feel that way.

My current role (one of many since I started working at my organisation, through promotion and changing business needs) sees me tracking documents. I kid you not, I see what documents come in, track them on a spreadsheet and get them sent on their way for someone else to deal with. I feel like I have the least amount of responsibility since I started working here, yet I’m the highest grade I’ve ever been. Previously I’ve managed staff, had an assistant, looked after a £5m budget, written for the House of Commons, chaired meetings, given training, overseen IT transitions, etc. I’ve even gone so far as to have a whole village in Norfolk treat me as their arch-nemesis because of the work I was doing. But at present I sit and I track in one of the most demeaning, morale-destroying roles I’ve ever had. I felt more respect from my peers when I worked as a waiter during college.

So what is it that’s stopping me from looking for something new? Nothing whatsoever is stopping me, that’s what. Nothing but a general dislike for the whole process and a huge bunch of fear. Even though I know life would be much improved by moving away from what I’m doing now, I’m still holding myself back. It’s a ridiculous situation and one I need to snap out of immediately. But that fear really is an issue. I’m afraid of taking that leap into the unknown and trying something new. What if it doesn’t work out and I find myself unemployed after a couple of months? What if the skills gap I’m sure I’ll have is too great and I’m unable to do the work I’m being offered? What if the only way of being able to find something new is to take a pay-cut and retrain?

Too many variables are causing me to stall and put off looking for something. I need to bite the bullet and get on with it, no matter the fear and no matter how much distain I have for the whole process of looking for work. I know what I’m doing at the moment certainly isn’t for me and I know there’s something out there that I would be perfectly suited to. I just need to get off my arse and look.